The Road Less Traveled
Hi, I'm Sarah, and I read that you discuss religion sometimes. I have a question.
I think religious people are too focused on things that just don't matter. It's like they have all these rules. I'm a Christian. Jesus told us not to worry over things that don't really affect where we end up, and He from what I understand wanted us to just go live and reflect Him. But there are all these rules that Christians live by that I don't think are from God. Like how girls are supposed to dress, how everyone is supposed to speak, being in church all the time, you can't say "gosh" or "darn", only Christian music is good, and one that always comes up that gets to me is that if someone doesn't like what your doing they say your not avoiding the "appearance of evil" and so your sinning. IN THEIR OPINION. I just feel like I get "locked up" around these people. Like I'm supposed to hide from the world and do whatever they say, and if I don't do what they say than they get just mean. They call names, like "judgemental" and "sinner". *** I wind up walking away.
What do you think?
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I have to tell you, Sarah, I've been struggling with your question for weeks. Pardon the pun, but you're preaching to the choir here. I can't disagree with anything you've said.
Maybe there's a different way to approach this, though. First, please remember: not all Christians believe and behave in the ways you've witnessed. Keep your mind and heart open to the ones who believe in God, not in religion. Don't lose your ability to discern, and don't let anyone label that discernment as "judgement".
You have great energy. Preserve that.
But your question is about the others - the ones who cause you to walk away. This may sound trite, especially after your experiences so far, but they are the ones for whom you need to develop compassion. They're afraid.
I've noticed it, in my generation especially. There's a lot of shame, which is the natural result when people have lived shamelessly for long enough. When the shame ripens, and they reach the end of themselves, they turn to God.
It's good when people turn to God, and seek Him as their refuge; however, what you've been seeing are people who regard the refuge as a place to hide from themselves, not from evil. The issues arise when they've found their comfort level - that place where they can close their eyes to confronting themselves - and that's called pride. You can't sustian pride unless you sit in judgement (as opposed to discernment) of others. These people carry a deep fear that nothing they do will be good enough. That they're ruined. Or, it could be that they're doing some kind of evil, and the only way to continue - and remain comfortable - is to make the sin appear to be ordained, usually by picking out some verses and making them apply to the situation they're in or to the things they know are wrong, but don't want to lose. The rules you mentioned, the rituals, the things that strike you as hypocrisy are often the shroud they throw over their fears.
That's kind of the opposite of what they claim to believe, isn't it?
If you tweak these people, make waves, create discomfort, they'll usually drive you out. They've set up a theology that makes them happy, and they can't tolerate any upset. Too often, they'll try to "fix" you before they walk away, and that's where they do a lot of damage. Their concern will become contempt if they're unable to bring you around to where they believe you need to be.
And as they claim a holy right - even an obligation, a divine calling - to do so, that's what becomes what they call a "stronghold". The thing is, they just can't see that stronghold of fear within themselves, because they're afraid to look. They focus on you instead. They do their worst damage when they decide, and then bring to you, the resolution that if they're discomforted then you must be "out of God's will". Where you need to feel compassion is for the shame and the fear that they quietly carry that creates that kind of blindness.
By way of full disclosure, I'm talking from experience. I hope I've done so with compassion, as well. The people you're talking about need it. The "freedom in Christ" that they talk about is something they may never actually know, and that's the saddest thing of all.
To sum it up, Sarah, God is not about hiding: His refuge is a place of safety, not of fear. It's a place wherein you center yourself, while you're out in the world. The church, and the religion they practice, is really no longer any different than any other organization: if you don't - or can't - conform, if you make waves and create questions where none are welcomed, then you won't be welcomed, either.
I was telling a friend, just this morning - she's experienced some of what you are - that there's a choice to be made, and that choice pretty much comes down to who (or what) you will worship, and how much of yourself you'll sell off in order to be part of a group. I hope you, and those like you, will go with God. One of my favorite poems is Frost's "The Road Not Taken". Especially this part:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
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